You Give Me Hope 3 Page 5

  The next day was the conference, and it was a long one, but by the time five rolled around, they were out.

  “I don’t know about you, but I kind of just want to spend tonight drinking some wine and spending time together. I don’t really feel like going out. Those people were exhausting,” Brianna said.

  ‘sure. Where do you want to get wine?”

  “Let’s just call room service. My treat,” Brianna said.

  After the guy brought the glasses and a bottle of wine up, Brianna uncorked it, setting it on the table, and then pouring herself a liberal glass. She knew that this was something that she probably shouldn’t do all that often considering her heart, but she definitely was quite happy with the way things were.

  As she sat down and drank it, letting the liquid rush towards her body, Charlotte did the same thing. The two of them sat and drank a few glasses of wine together, both of them enjoying the company of one another. Then, Brianna smiled.

  “Charlotte, you’re the best, you know that?” Brianna stated.

  “You mean it?” Charlotte said.

  “Yeah, I mean it. The truth is Charlotte, I’ve been a little bit nervous about my feelings for you. I don’t know if you’d understand this or not, but…it’s a bit weird,” Brianna said.

  Charlotte could tell it was a bit of the alcohol talking, but she seemed to mean everything that she was saying.

  “What do you mean?”

  “The feeling about us. I’ve been grappling with them for a little bit, but I’m just…gosh I don’t know how to say it without being weird Charlotte,” Brianna admitted.

  “What’s wrong,” Charlotte said.

  Charlotte then looked at her, and then, sighed.

  “I have a confession Charlotte. I do. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should tell you now or wait a little bit. But that night at Jenny and Vanessa’s party I….I was very tempted to tell you,” Brianna said.

  What did she need to tell her? did it have something to do with all of the strange feelings she experienced when she looked at Charlotte? What was this?

  “What do you mean?” Charlotte asked.

  “Well, I…you know how I told you I had heart surgery a few months ago? I found out that…Lisa’s heart is within me,” Brianna said.

  Charlotte’s eyes widened in surprise. She knew there was something about Brianna that reminded her of Lisa! Maybe that’s why she saw the uncanny resemblance.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “Well, I wanted to know, mostly because I was curious. I did talk to the doctor though, and it was confirmed,” Brianna admitted.

  Charlotte didn’t know what to say. She felt like crying. She started to feel the tears fall, shock obvious on her face.

  “But…how. How in the world did you find out? I mean, I knew you had a heart transplant, but I never imagined…that sort of coincidence. In a sense, it’s kind of obvious, and I mean…it makes sense, but still…I’m in shock Brianna. I really, really am,” Charlotte admitted.

  “That makes two of us Charlotte. When I found out, I started bawling, but the thing is, I’m not lying here. This is all the truth, the real, unadulterated truth. And that’s what makes this almost magical Charlotte. That’s what makes this…so different,” Brianna said.

  Charlotte started to cry, feeling her whole-body spring forward into Brianna’s arms. She never thought that she would actually get to experience these feeling again. But it made her realize the truth. The feelings that she felt from Brianna were because of her heart, and because of what she had inside her.

  “How did you find out though? I mean, almost anyone could’ve been the donor, how did you know for sure?”

  “I had to pull some strings with the doctor. At first, he wasn’t going to tell me anything. He told me that it was wrong, but I begged him. I only asked for a first name. from there, he told me he would call the family to get permission, and then come back,” Brianna explained.

  That did explain the call that Charlotte got back then.

  “I mean, a doctor did call me about Lisa, but I just thought that it was some doctor asking for confirmation, not the receiver of the donation,” Charlotte said.

  “Yeah well, it happened, and I mean, that’s literally how it is,” Brianna said.

  “Wow. I’m just…shocked really. I’m shocked Brianna. But at the same time, it all makes sense. In a way, I felt that it was wrong to fall for you. When I touch your hands, I feel my heart thump, like it’s trying to tell me something. I never thought that it was trying to tell me…that, but here we are,” Charlotte explained.

  “Yeah, I never thought about that either. I felt like…I felt like it would be too weird to tell you, so I’ve been scared. I didn’t know what to do though, since I know that you were still suffering from everything that happened with Lisa. Which I mean…it makes total sense, but I needed to think about this too Charlotte. I thought that the only reason I felt this way was because I had Lisa’s heart, but the thing is…I started to realize something, something that made me shocked,” Brianna began.

  Charlotte’s eyes looked into her own with confusion and curiosity.

  “What did you…learn? If you don’t mind me asking,” she inquired.

  Brianna felt her heart race. She never thought she would get to this point. She always thought this would be one of those secrets that she would take to the grave, but here she was, trying her hardest to figure out how to tell Charlotte the truth, that she was in love with her.

  “The thing is Charlotte; I actually was straight. I always thought that I was, so when you came along, it was a bit of a strange circumstance for me. I started to realize that this was something that I really felt a lot of happiness for, and something I really liked to have. But, at this point…I definitely was a bit nervous about what may happen next. But I did spend some time thinking about this Charlotte. This isn’t something that I just thought that I’d tell you suddenly. No, I’m going to be honest with you Charlotte, what I’m about to tell you is something I never ever thought I’d admit in a million years, but here I am, telling you this.”

  Charlotte looked at her with a focused glance. Her eyes were unwavering, and the glass of wine was long forgotten. She was curious about what Brianna was about to say. Brianna felt butterflies in her stomach, a feeling of both excitement and impending dread and doom flood over her. She began to take a deep breath, holding herself accountable for what she was about to say, for what she was about to tell Charlotte, and everything that was about to transpire next.

  “I…I love you Charlotte. I really do. The thing is, I do feel real feelings for you. I’ve fallen for you Charlotte. I feel like…I’m meant to be with you. Even though I do have Lisa’s heart, I sat down, and I really thought about what I should be feeling. I didn’t know whether or not this was a symptom of the heart, so I took a more objective look at it. And after a bit, I realized that…it wasn’t. I do love you, and I do want to make you happy. I want to help ease the pain, as best as I can,” Brianna said.

  It was now Charlotte’s turn to look at her like a deer in headlights.

  “I see. I’m definitely trying to figure this out myself. I’m…I’m a bit confused too Brianna. I still am. I don’t know what to do about any of this, since I feel similar, but at the same time, I feel guilty. I don’t really know what to do Brianna. If you don’t mind, I’d…I’d like to spend some time alone,” Charlotte said.

  Brianna felt disappointment flood into her head. She thought that Charlotte felt the same way, but right now, she felt as if her heart had been wrenched from her body.

  “I see. I’ll give you some space Charlotte. By the way, there’s another part of the conference going on this Sunday and Monday. I asked if we could stay here for a few more days, and I got their agreement. So….we can spend time apart if you need it. I’ll respect your space, and I’ll…let you have that time to yourself,” Brianna said.

  She tried her best not to sound hurt, but it was damn hard. She wan
ted Charlotte to feel the same way, and she felt like it was betrayal that she wasn’t. Charlotte looked at Brianna with apologetic eyes, feeling bad about all of this.

  “I’m really sorry Brianna, but I need time to think about this,” she said.

  “No, it’s fine. Anyways, I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight,” Brianna said.

  She tried her best to hide the sadness that she was feeling. The last thing that she wanted was for Charlotte to feel guilty about all of this. She quickly went to take a shower and then head to bed, closing the doors that separated the bedroom from the living room.

  Brianna tried to stay happy, but in her heart, she was crying. She hugged the pillow, sobbing a little bit into it, making the sounds so that Charlotte didn’t hear her crying.

  She would let Charlotte have some time. It was only the right thing to do, and the right thing was what she wanted to accomplish.

  Chapter 12

  Charlotte felt terrible. She didn’t know it would end up like this. But, in her heart, she needed to spend time alone, to figure out what the heck she should do next. She could just…try with Brianna, but she felt that guilt still. Maybe…this was just her conscience telling her that she could only love Lisa.

  But, could she? Was it right to only love her? she didn’t want to believe so, but in her heart, she felt like the only thing that she could do at this point was to just wait and see what might happen next. Over the next couple days, Charlotte spent most of her time outside of the hotel room, visiting some cafes to write and get her mind off things. She got a text from Brianna saying that she’ll be back from the conferences a little late, and to get dinner without her. Brianna took it as a sign that she needed some time alone, and even Brianna didn’t know what to do about any of this.

  There was something about this which made Brianna feel like she had lost. She was feeling guilty about her words, her choices, and everything in between.

  A couple days before they were going to leave, Charlotte got back a little bit early. She didn’t tell Brianna, mostly because in her head, she assumed that Brianna would be back later in the evening. But Charlotte noticed a couple of the lights were on.

  She needed to run and pee. She then went to the bathroom, opening it, and suddenly, she let out a gasp.

  “Ahh! I’m sorry” Charlotte said.

  Brianna blushed. She immediately grabbed a towel and then covered herself.

  “Sorry about that. I didn’t realize that I forgot to close the bathroom door,” Brianna said.

  In truth, she was about to get into the shower. Brianna had a lapse of thought, her mind thinking about what Charlotte was going to say, and she forgot to lock the bathroom door and close it. But now, here she was, naked in front of Charlotte, and she didn’t know what to do.

  For Brianna, she wondered if she just gave Charlotte the wrong impression. She felt she did, mostly because she noticed Charlotte’s eyes widened. That’s why her hands ruffled for a towel really quick, wrapping it around herself. She was more curious about what this notion would mean, and what it might entail for them.

  For Brianna, she felt embarrassed. She felt like she messed up. After all, the last thing that she wanted was to make Charlotte more uncomfortable. She was dealing with an identity crisis, and she was dealing with a series of feelings even she wasn’t sure about, and Brianna felt that what she did was wrong.

  But, the thing about Charlotte was she was experiencing the opposite of these feelings. Instead of being mad about Brianna being naked, and assuming she had some sort of ulterior motives to this, instead, she felt her heart start to thump faster, skipping a beat, and Charlotte felt frozen in time. She looked at Brianna, realizing that she looked so similar to Lisa at that moment.

  The memories of Lisa flooded into her head. She looked at Brianna with surprise, and for a second, she didn’t say a word.

  Her thoughts of Lisa started to flood in. all the times they showered together, the times they made love, the times they shared together. Those were all memories though. This was here and now. In a sense, Brianna was similar to Lisa, and while she did look like Lisa in that moment, Charlotte knew the difference.

  Brianna, as quickly as it happened, closed the door behind her. but then, Charlotte’s hands moved almost on instinct, grasping the doorknob and pulling it open. She then saw Brianna’s eyes widen, and she quickly dodged behind the curtain, and she peered out from behind there to Charlotte.

  “Sorry about that! Terribly sorry! I’ll be finished soon. Do you need to use the bathroom?” Brianna said.

  There was a silence, and Brianna wondered if she upset Charlotte, but the words that came out of Charlotte’s mouth next immediately made Brianna’s head spin.

  “I want to join you in the shower.”

  Chapter 13

  When Charlotte stepped in, for a brief second Brianna didn’t know what to do. She suddenly felt her heart race, a thumping sensation, and for a moment, she felt as if her head was spinning. But then, Charlotte looked at Brianna, touching her arms, and as the warm water cascaded down her body, she looked at Brianna with a smile.

  The two of them looked at one another, and for a brief moment, Brianna didn’t know what to do. She thought that this was a whole different world, and soon, as Charlotte leaned in, she kissed her, their lips touching and the passion igniting.

  Brianna was scared that this would be wrong, that she was doing the incorrect thing, but in her head, she knew that…that this wasn’t the wrong decision. In fact, it was the correct decision, and Brianna was beginning to realize the truth, that she felt the same way for Charlotte as Charlotte did for her.

  For a long time, they just kissed, and then, Charlotte pulled away, smiling.

  “You good?” Brianna asked, unsure if this was the right thing.”

  “Yes Brianna. Trust me, if you did something wrong, I would’ve told you. Honestly, I was scared to kiss you because I wasn’t sure what this might mean, nor how it would feel. But…I think I made the correct decision, in my own way,” she said.

  Brianna flushed, but then, she felt her lips move towards Charlotte’s once again, and soon, their lips started to move and mingle with one another in a way that even Brianna couldn’t comprehend.

  For Charlotte, it was a bit strange. While it did remind her of Lisa, it also was so different, because she knew that she was kissing a completely different person, but she also knew that Brianna meant the world to her. the two of them fit perfectly, stuck like glue together, and happy. She didn’t feel like she was doing the wrong thing when she kissed Brianna, and it didn’t feel like the vestiges of Lisa were there either.

  Despite the fact that Brianna had her heart, she felt like she was kissing a completely different person. It didn’t feel like her former lover, but instead, a new experience.

  Lisa would’ve wanted her to be happy. When Charlotte pulled away, there were tears in her eyes.

  “Did I do something wrong? I’m so sorry!” Brianna said.

  “No, you’re fine Brianna. I’m just…happy. I never thought I’d be happy again, but here I am. I feel good. So, thank you,” she said.

  Brianna smiled.

  “I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know how to…to pleasure a woman,” she admitted with a flush.

  “Do you want me to…show you?” Charlotte said.

  It was now her time to blush. She was never the most upfront person. But there was something about this which made Charlotte want to take control, to make Brianna feel good.

  Brianna turned away, trying to hide her beet-red face but failing.

  “Y-yeah, I’d love that,” she said.

  Charlotte smiled, leaning in and giving her a passionate kiss. The two of them did share a tender, loving moment, and for a long time, it made Brianna feel like she was on cloud nine. For Charlotte, she felt happy too, especially since Brianna didn’t seem to shy away for feel bad or anything. Charlotte then pushed her tongue forward, begging for entrance. Brianna seemed tense, but she extended her mou
th, and soon, their tongues touched and moved with one another.

  The passion this exuded, the feeling of happiness and thrill that came from this, all of it was definitely making both of them feel happy. Charlotte then started to move her lips downward, touching the tip of her neck, and she soon kissed the very tip of it. She then sucked on the flesh slightly, making Brianna let out a small cry of pleasure as Charlotte teased her there.

  The way Brianna looked at her with that look of pure desire, of pure lust, made Charlotte shiver. Charlotte trailed kisses against her collarbone, which was what Lisa liked, and needless to say, the grip that Brianna had on her tightened, making Charlotte smile to herself.

  Charlotte could see and tell from the way that Brianna was reacting that she was enjoying this, albeit she seemed to not totally understand the sensations she was feeling. For Brianna, she never thought that touch of a woman could be this nice. She loved it, craved it, and soon, Charlotte moved towards her breasts, teasing them with her mouth and hands, letting her fingers work her magic.

  She watched with delight as Brianna began to move her hips forward, crying out slightly at the sensations that came through her body, that made her shiver with delight. For Brianna, it felt like the best thing in the world, and she didn’t know what might come over her next. Charlotte then started to move her lips towards the tips of each nipple, dropping little kisses and licks.

  In a sense, she was doing everything that she remembered Lisa liking, and while she noticed it aroused Brianna, it was a bit of a different arousal than what she was used to.

  for Brianna, it seemed like it was arousing in a foreign manner. She was not used to this. Charlotte then moved her fingers downwards, moving Brianna towards the wall. The water wasn’t as prevalent over there, but Brianna would have the little rod to hold onto at this point.